What is this...? I don't even... xDD

Once upon a time, there was a young boy named Charlie who always dreamed of becoming the world's best Horse Poop Collector . He trained every day for 498672 hours in order to beat his rival, The Windy Menace. The day of the big competition arrived, and Charlie came armed with a beluga whale  and his unstoppable determination. They were pitted against each other in a battle of wits, and Charlie emerged as the ballistic  victor! His achievement is celebrated every President's Day.